This is the last post that I am going to write for Thank You Very Sweet and I am so excited about it. I have been excited for the past few months. Many of you who have read along with me on this journey may have wondered where this was heading, but I knew it would end here. With a call. I just didn’t know that the call was going to be as specific as it is about to be..
First let me say that it has been two years since Kesner died and I have grieved him. I wanted to make sure that I processed this experience thoroughly so that I would not carry unsettled feelings into the relationship of my future. I didnt want that for myself or my family, so I walked carefully through my valley and I shared my journey along the way. But now I am being drawn out, toward the Light.
Before I commence my love letter, let me share with you what the prophets have told me about my future: I was told three years ago that I would have two great loves – Kesner was my first great love and there is a great love ahead. I am meant to be in a committed monogamous relationship that is very passionate. This person and I will be making love into our old age. I am meant to be with an athlete. My husband is the type of person who is sensitive to people’s energy; our hearts are similar and we have probably known each other in a past life. He has a small immediate family and a large extended family. We are both leaders. We will have two children. And we will have the type of romance that great novels are written about.
The hope for this love has sustained me through many dark moments along the way – Who could this incredible person be?
And then the most wonderful thing happened. In November, 2011, I was re-introduced to a really incredible man. And I have spent the last few months trying to discern what his purpose is in my life. Perhaps he is just meant to inspire me, he has done that. But hopefully there is more. I asked God to stop me if I am not meant to write this letter.
I am asking now even as I type.
God is not stopping me.
So here goes:
You are blowing my mind right now. My heart is dancing in my chest. I hope I can find the right words to say to you. More so, I hope you feel my energy.
This all began for me back in November. I was home in Cleveland for Thanksgiving and my mom had a movie on DVR that she wanted me to see: ”…Just Wright, with Common and Queen Latifah”. You were on the screen for five minutes when I turned to my mom and said “I want Common to play Kesner in my movie.” By this time I was living into the vision that Thank You Very Sweet will be a movie one day.
My mom said “Really? I think Laz Alonzo looks more like Kesner..” But it wasn’t the look, it was The Light. I saw it. In your eyes I saw a light that I hadn’t seen in a long time. I saw joy in your face. I hadn’t seen that in a while. And I was drawn to it.
A few weeks later I was sitting in the barber shop when I got a text from Klay. We were envisioning together and he asked me “Kim who am I envisioning for your husband?“ Without giving a lot of thought to it, I said: “Common.” And as soon as I said it, you came on TV! You were doing a freestyle on a cooking show…
And that’s when the fun began.
I started seeing you everywhere in the Fall and Winter. You were promoting your show, and your book , and your album. You were all over the media and I felt so happy for you. It seemed like your universe was blazing hot and I was celebrating with you because I am a Pisces also, our sign is on the rise…
Neptune is in Pisces!!
I decided that I should probably get to know more about you though, so I read One Day It’ll All Make Sense. I purchased and listened to The Dreamer /The Believer and I started tuning into your show on AMC.nnI liked the show; towards the end of the season I started to feel really angry with your character, Elam – you are a great actor, Rashid. And I love the album, it has been in my changer since I got it. But I must say that the memoir was most edifying to me.
I read it slowly. You had quotes in there like this one:
“All of us have dirt under our finger nails from time to time. The dirt, along with your great acts, is what makes you a beautiful human being. There’s not one person on this earth who’s all positive. Life exists as we know it with sin. A man and a woman (thank you for your gender inclusive language…) are strengthened by the work they do to overcome that sin, and the process they go through to defeat it and live above it.” – p. 203.
I thought to myself: I want to spend my life with someone who thinks this way. What a wise and evolved thing to say. Around January I opened a file on my computer called “Letters to my Husband.” I began to write private love letters to you…
Whats funny to me is that we have met before. We had breakfast together once. We were at a party in New York, your friend was interested in my friend and the four of us went out for breakfast after the club. I think this was around 2003. You ordered black beans and chips. I don’t remember much more than that. I probably seemed very aloof and stand-offish to you because I can be shy in person. Sometimes it is easier for me to express myself in writing.
I saw you again at President Obama’s inauguration. We were in close proximity, but this time there were droves of women around you trying to take pictures. That’s not really my style. That’s what makes this crush I have so interesting and ironic for me.
I have a crush on you, Rashid. I think you’re The Greatest. You use words for good, and in the direction of truth and love. Words like these:
You craft messages that inspire people and you provide a social commentary in your music that seems true to life. And true to the story of Black people in this country. I always like to say that I believe in universal humanism, but universal humanism and equality require us to be unapologetically Black. Seems like I get that vibe from your music.
Your faith is another reason that I am interested in you. You walk on water – so do I. I was so tickled to read that in your book, that you have a “walk-on-water” type of faith. I say that all of the time. I am walking on water as we speak.
Your apparent complexity is a third reason. You seem like the type of person that I would enjoy getting to know forever. My friend, Mara, who has been married for more than 30 years says that the key for her marriage is that she is continuing to learn new things about her husband every day. how wonderful. How wonderful to continue to learn about your partner. And to continue to grow and evolve as you journey through life as a team – side by side.
I dream of having a mutually expansive soul partnership with a man of my dreams. One where my husband and I sharpen each other and support one another. One where my husband and I do good works together and separately. One where we live our dreams and where we raise emotionally intelligent children who are whole and who can express themselves, love others, strive for greatness, and dream. Could you be that guy? Could our love be a ministry? Could our love feel something like this?:
Or are you just meant to inspire me?
You have done that, Rashid. Nothing bad has come from this feeling I have. I am physically healthier than I have ever been, your book reminded me about the importance of conditioning and preparation. I will be fit for the rest of my life. I have also stopped eating meat. And most importantly hope has returned to me. The thought of you adds so many brilliant colors to the tapestry of my dreams. Thank you.
I suppose you’ll want to know more about who I am. You will find a lot of that here on this blog. I suggest starting at chapter one. But I will tell you now that I am brave, I am passionate and I am sensitive. And Lonnie Rashid Lynn, I am crazy about you.
I got a fortune cookie about 8 moths ago with a message that said that “The Love of Your Life Will Appear Before You Unexpectedly.” It was so specific that I held on to it. And I have been living with expectancy ever since. It would be great if that love were you, I invite you to come find me.I will be around the east coast for a while: NJ, NY, Philly. Then I’m heading to the mountains for the summer, close to Montreal - which might be nice. I’ll also be in Orlando, Atlanta, DC, Cleveland and probably the Delaware shore before the summer ends. And in Chicago in the fall… And possibly LA. I invite you to come find me…
And for what you mean to me already. For what you have meant to me along the Journey, I want to say to you: Thank You Very Sweet!
Once upon a time there was a Black Princess who had a heart for justice. One day she met a Prince and fell very deeply in love. The Prince and the Princess dreamed of a life of doing good works together, but one day lightning struck and the Prince died suddenly.
The Princess was very sad and she grieved for a long time. She gave away all of her clothes and she cut off all of her hair, and she went home to rest with her family for a while.
However, knowing that she eventually had to heal from her trauma, the Princess began telling her story and she shared it with anyone who wanted to read it. And as the Princess wrote; as she delved deeply into her soul and reflected on the wonders of her life, she began to heal.
Over time her agency returned to her, and her confidence, and her passion. Over time She began to dream and live fully once again.
Yes, the Princess was regaining her strength; but she still missed the feeling of being in love. That is until one day when she turned on the television and she saw a King on TV. The King was beautiful and wise and masculine and strong and interesting and smart. This man walked amongst other Kings, but he had not lost the Common touch. The Princess valued that, because she was also one who could walk into any room..
The King was a poet and he spoke about justice; he had a light in his eyes and a swag in his step that awakened something in her. Suddenly she wanted to be more than who she was, she began to aspire to become a Queen.
Dreaming about the King caused the Princess to hope, once again, in the possibilities of LOVE. So the Princess decided to use words to call her King to her. She sent a decree out before all the land saying this:
Come, say to me through your actions that Love has found its resting place..
Come, wrestle with me through the endings..
Come, taste my fragrance night after night..
Come, dance into my waves..
Come, lock the door of stability..*
And after she issued the decree, the Princess went back to doing the work she was called to do, resting in the knowing that her love would find her…
I’ll tell you the rest when I see you.
*excerpts from “Love’s Obsession” by Klay Williams
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